Pre-Pregnancy

Pre-Pregnancy…..

28….

best shape of my life.

planning a trip to Bali for my 30th birthday.

whoopsy daisy.

Adopting children (especially older less desirable ones) out of the American foster system, leading youth groups, working with children based charities, babysitting, that I was prepared for, bringing a child into this crazy world was not part of the plan…  

if you are already judging please leave now….

I have always loved children, felt very nurturing, and knew i wanted to help others no matter what or how. 

At 19 I became a nanny to a blended family of 5 kids, they were a very wealthy and well known family in my small town (I did not know this until after working for them awhile) and really accepted me, making me feel like one of their own.

Being around this family I knew I could adopt and love a child just as much as I would love my own because although this family had EVERYTHING they could possibly need or want sadness and heartbreak could still get to their very nice newly built home. This also showed me that having money didn't mean you didn't have problems, it actually would reveal deeper struggles because you didn't have money to blame, I was recently reminded of this again by a very dear friend. 

I loved being a dog mom, was leading the youth at our church and knew one day I’d have my special family.

God had other plans.

I felt a shift, being a yoga teacher awareness of the body is literally my job, so I knew something new was going on.

I had only been off birth control 3 weeks, it was the only pill i had taken for any extended period of time in 7 years and I really wanted to feel ALL of the REAL me. Little did I know this would be the greatest decision of my life! 

This does not mean I did not feel fear, shame, or guilt.

I know there are so many women in the world who want nothing more than this opportunity and may not ever receive this gift, so I took it very seriously. 

Native Americans believe that your children do not belong to you, they are lent to you by the Creator. 

This I believe wholeheartedly, and after almost not being here to see you grow, I knew that I would have to have faith like never before.

I found out about you a few days before my 29th birthday, I cried and cried, tears of joy, tears of sadness.

What I did not know was that my dear tribe had planned a surprise birthday party for me, with an August birthday i never really had big parties and only 1 since I turned 16 so this meant a whole lot to me… now you know mommy likes to drink wine and champagne, this may have been my birthday theme…

your Auntie Allison was in charge of jello shots and was the only person I had told so she snuck making me some that were alcohol free.

This was one of the hardest days of my life, I knew after that day there would be no more celebrating me, this hurt me deep because I had never really felt that celebrated before, but you definitely brought me soo much more,

 now i get to CELEBRATE EVERY LITTLE THING EVERY SINGLE DAY BECAUSE OF YOU LITTLE LA-DAAYYY!

Disclaimer : Stories from a bad girl turned good on life and MotherHOOD!

Dearest Ready Reader and newest secret keeper,

I hope you forgive you and if I owe you an apology I sincerely ask that you can find it in your heart to forgive me too.

I never really was BAD, just different, wounded, unafraid, couldn't find my way, and will never deny our desire to play.
This led me to make some life altering, mind shifting (most would consider BAD) decisions, but it gave me greater room for connection, knowledge, and understanding, eventually leading me to many passionate purposes.

One being...
Reminding and showing people how much they are worthy of. I feel people connect more to the idea that we are all worthy and equal, without diving deeper and ever deciding what they actual want, need, or know.
I always TRY to practice what I speak (I do not believe I Preach or Teach I just share and provide a safe space for you to do the same) so I am constantly reminding myself that I AND EVERYONE ELSE is worthy of WHATEVER they want,

my place is to LOVE NOT JUDGE.

I hope you know how important your life and story is. The more I spend time actually listening to others and getting to know their hearts the more I desire to share mine and inspire others
It is really important not to do so until you feel that you can do this without guilt, shame, expectation, or resentment.
And be prepared to open yourself up to other's truths too!


I'll be sharing more about drugs, sex, and rock n roll as Suzie grows but until then if you have any questions, comments, or concerns feel free to let me know.

Bliss and Blessings Always,
Daisy 

Dearest Suzie

Dearest Suzie Sunshine, 

I hope you always know and feel how loved worthy and adored you are... 

when you lose sight of your wonder I pray you remember the light inside and how bright you can shine. 

Don’t waste any precious time

be who you are 

My Shining Star.

Love,

Your Mommy Moon 

I've said I was going to start blogging since 2012, I never really wanted to spend any EXTRA time online, am NOT tech savvy, and felt like noone would care what I had to say, the few times I had shared my story I would receive messages from people included, I would respond better than I ever thought possible but still had no desire to hurt ANYONE by sharing MY story and feelings.

Then YOU happened... my greatest responsibility... to raise you whole, kind, confident, independent, strong, and free.

Someone who believes HER feelings, hopes, fears, dreams, and ideas are worth pursuing, sharing, changing, forgiving...

 The day before you were born i promised...and posted this...

Tomorrow I become a momma, some would say I’ve been acting like a mom a VERY long time, most of the time I still feel like the little girl in the 2nd photo, wild and free...my main goal and promise is just to be there, present for the present that is life and this new life, to make her a part of my/our life not just my life about her... I really can not ever share my gratitude with those who have been here for me the last 10 months enough, this is no where near where I expected to be, but God has been so good to me. I catch myself praying for faith and trust often, knowing that’s the point in believing in the first place, letting go of control, to just be still and know... here we go... 🍼📸 @christy_shaterian_photography

then when you were 8 weeks old my appendix ruptured, I thought it was my organs shifting and postpartum, after a minimum of 8 days still working and working out, I almost died, the fluids had walled and built up behind my colon which is the only reason they say I didn't go septic. The thought of not being here to see you crawl, or walk, or talk made it easy for me to decide, it was time. So I'll be sharing your childhood, some of my life lessons, mistakes, values, but most importantly my love for you so that if there ever comes a day you doubt it, or I am not here, my words will be near. 

In some cases I do not feel I have the tools to help you, being raised before the internet brings both advantages and disadvantages.

In today’s online culture there tend to be many types of sharers:

Daily detailers (food, gym, clothes, what they are doing, basic)

Intentional Inspirers (quotes, poetry, positivity, more in depth thoughts, ideas)

Negative Naysayers (trolls, haters, judgers)

And then there are those that say you shouldn’t share at all. 

Please be extremely careful when it comes to telling anyone what to do or listening to anyone telling you.

TRUST YOURSELF

I have felt my whole life that Sharing is Caring, I care a lot (especially about you) and that “What you can’t say owns you. What you hide controls you.”  We are all misunderstood, I definitely misunderstand a lot, and really hope this is a space that will bring you clarity, comfort, and understanding.

Growing up my mom (your Jojo) worked a lot so she might not have been able to be as present as I would have liked but she loved music, being outside, reading, and was part of Oprah’s book club, I am forever grateful she passed down her love of these to me, you already love them too, but I hope to be there more to see things through.

I have read Iyanla Vanzant’s Don’t Give it Away Workbook MANY times but on my SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analysis the fact that I would give my product and self away fits into each category. I gift this book often and thought it would be great to put some of my favorite pieces here for you my precious dear; to instill and remind you and everyone else how special they are.

A Girl’s Pledge

I am a girl.

I am an expression of beauty, joy, and love.

I have the right, the power and the ability, to create a beautiful, joyful, and peaceful world for myself and others.

I have a body, but i am not my body.

I have a face, but I am not my face.

I am the most important thing in the world to me.

I am love in motion.

I am the light of the world!

I can create!

I can make a mistake!

I can create something beautiful in all that i do.

I deserve the best. 

I do my best to always take care of me!

I am a girl!

I am growing into a woman!

I AM IT!!!

I am the JOY the world is waiting for!

       - Iyanla Vanzant “Don’t Give It Away”

You are the joy and the light in this world, all you have to do is choose, this doesn’t mean hard times won’t call, you just have to rise above it all!