Dearest Suzie

Dearest Suzie Sunshine, 

I hope you always know and feel how loved worthy and adored you are... 

when you lose sight of your wonder I pray you remember the light inside and how bright you can shine. 

Don’t waste any precious time

be who you are 

My Shining Star.

Love,

Your Mommy Moon 

I've said I was going to start blogging since 2012, I never really wanted to spend any EXTRA time online, am NOT tech savvy, and felt like noone would care what I had to say, the few times I had shared my story I would receive messages from people included, I would respond better than I ever thought possible but still had no desire to hurt ANYONE by sharing MY story and feelings.

Then YOU happened... my greatest responsibility... to raise you whole, kind, confident, independent, strong, and free.

Someone who believes HER feelings, hopes, fears, dreams, and ideas are worth pursuing, sharing, changing, forgiving...

 The day before you were born i promised...and posted this...

Tomorrow I become a momma, some would say I’ve been acting like a mom a VERY long time, most of the time I still feel like the little girl in the 2nd photo, wild and free...my main goal and promise is just to be there, present for the present that is life and this new life, to make her a part of my/our life not just my life about her... I really can not ever share my gratitude with those who have been here for me the last 10 months enough, this is no where near where I expected to be, but God has been so good to me. I catch myself praying for faith and trust often, knowing that’s the point in believing in the first place, letting go of control, to just be still and know... here we go... 🍼📸 @christy_shaterian_photography

then when you were 8 weeks old my appendix ruptured, I thought it was my organs shifting and postpartum, after a minimum of 8 days still working and working out, I almost died, the fluids had walled and built up behind my colon which is the only reason they say I didn't go septic. The thought of not being here to see you crawl, or walk, or talk made it easy for me to decide, it was time. So I'll be sharing your childhood, some of my life lessons, mistakes, values, but most importantly my love for you so that if there ever comes a day you doubt it, or I am not here, my words will be near. 

In some cases I do not feel I have the tools to help you, being raised before the internet brings both advantages and disadvantages.

In today’s online culture there tend to be many types of sharers:

Daily detailers (food, gym, clothes, what they are doing, basic)

Intentional Inspirers (quotes, poetry, positivity, more in depth thoughts, ideas)

Negative Naysayers (trolls, haters, judgers)

And then there are those that say you shouldn’t share at all. 

Please be extremely careful when it comes to telling anyone what to do or listening to anyone telling you.

TRUST YOURSELF

I have felt my whole life that Sharing is Caring, I care a lot (especially about you) and that “What you can’t say owns you. What you hide controls you.”  We are all misunderstood, I definitely misunderstand a lot, and really hope this is a space that will bring you clarity, comfort, and understanding.

Growing up my mom (your Jojo) worked a lot so she might not have been able to be as present as I would have liked but she loved music, being outside, reading, and was part of Oprah’s book club, I am forever grateful she passed down her love of these to me, you already love them too, but I hope to be there more to see things through.

I have read Iyanla Vanzant’s Don’t Give it Away Workbook MANY times but on my SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analysis the fact that I would give my product and self away fits into each category. I gift this book often and thought it would be great to put some of my favorite pieces here for you my precious dear; to instill and remind you and everyone else how special they are.

A Girl’s Pledge

I am a girl.

I am an expression of beauty, joy, and love.

I have the right, the power and the ability, to create a beautiful, joyful, and peaceful world for myself and others.

I have a body, but i am not my body.

I have a face, but I am not my face.

I am the most important thing in the world to me.

I am love in motion.

I am the light of the world!

I can create!

I can make a mistake!

I can create something beautiful in all that i do.

I deserve the best. 

I do my best to always take care of me!

I am a girl!

I am growing into a woman!

I AM IT!!!

I am the JOY the world is waiting for!

       - Iyanla Vanzant “Don’t Give It Away”

You are the joy and the light in this world, all you have to do is choose, this doesn’t mean hard times won’t call, you just have to rise above it all!