Pre-Pregnancy

Pre-Pregnancy…..

28….

best shape of my life.

planning a trip to Bali for my 30th birthday.

whoopsy daisy.

Adopting children (especially older less desirable ones) out of the American foster system, leading youth groups, working with children based charities, babysitting, that I was prepared for, bringing a child into this crazy world was not part of the plan…  

if you are already judging please leave now….

I have always loved children, felt very nurturing, and knew i wanted to help others no matter what or how. 

At 19 I became a nanny to a blended family of 5 kids, they were a very wealthy and well known family in my small town (I did not know this until after working for them awhile) and really accepted me, making me feel like one of their own.

Being around this family I knew I could adopt and love a child just as much as I would love my own because although this family had EVERYTHING they could possibly need or want sadness and heartbreak could still get to their very nice newly built home. This also showed me that having money didn't mean you didn't have problems, it actually would reveal deeper struggles because you didn't have money to blame, I was recently reminded of this again by a very dear friend. 

I loved being a dog mom, was leading the youth at our church and knew one day I’d have my special family.

God had other plans.

I felt a shift, being a yoga teacher awareness of the body is literally my job, so I knew something new was going on.

I had only been off birth control 3 weeks, it was the only pill i had taken for any extended period of time in 7 years and I really wanted to feel ALL of the REAL me. Little did I know this would be the greatest decision of my life! 

This does not mean I did not feel fear, shame, or guilt.

I know there are so many women in the world who want nothing more than this opportunity and may not ever receive this gift, so I took it very seriously. 

Native Americans believe that your children do not belong to you, they are lent to you by the Creator. 

This I believe wholeheartedly, and after almost not being here to see you grow, I knew that I would have to have faith like never before.

I found out about you a few days before my 29th birthday, I cried and cried, tears of joy, tears of sadness.

What I did not know was that my dear tribe had planned a surprise birthday party for me, with an August birthday i never really had big parties and only 1 since I turned 16 so this meant a whole lot to me… now you know mommy likes to drink wine and champagne, this may have been my birthday theme…

your Auntie Allison was in charge of jello shots and was the only person I had told so she snuck making me some that were alcohol free.

This was one of the hardest days of my life, I knew after that day there would be no more celebrating me, this hurt me deep because I had never really felt that celebrated before, but you definitely brought me soo much more,

 now i get to CELEBRATE EVERY LITTLE THING EVERY SINGLE DAY BECAUSE OF YOU LITTLE LA-DAAYYY!

Disclaimer : Stories from a bad girl turned good on life and MotherHOOD!

Dearest Ready Reader and newest secret keeper,

I hope you forgive you and if I owe you an apology I sincerely ask that you can find it in your heart to forgive me too.

I never really was BAD, just different, wounded, unafraid, couldn't find my way, and will never deny our desire to play.
This led me to make some life altering, mind shifting (most would consider BAD) decisions, but it gave me greater room for connection, knowledge, and understanding, eventually leading me to many passionate purposes.

One being...
Reminding and showing people how much they are worthy of. I feel people connect more to the idea that we are all worthy and equal, without diving deeper and ever deciding what they actual want, need, or know.
I always TRY to practice what I speak (I do not believe I Preach or Teach I just share and provide a safe space for you to do the same) so I am constantly reminding myself that I AND EVERYONE ELSE is worthy of WHATEVER they want,

my place is to LOVE NOT JUDGE.

I hope you know how important your life and story is. The more I spend time actually listening to others and getting to know their hearts the more I desire to share mine and inspire others
It is really important not to do so until you feel that you can do this without guilt, shame, expectation, or resentment.
And be prepared to open yourself up to other's truths too!


I'll be sharing more about drugs, sex, and rock n roll as Suzie grows but until then if you have any questions, comments, or concerns feel free to let me know.

Bliss and Blessings Always,
Daisy 

Dearest Suzie

Dearest Suzie Sunshine, 

I hope you always know and feel how loved worthy and adored you are... 

when you lose sight of your wonder I pray you remember the light inside and how bright you can shine. 

Don’t waste any precious time

be who you are 

My Shining Star.

Love,

Your Mommy Moon 

I've said I was going to start blogging since 2012, I never really wanted to spend any EXTRA time online, am NOT tech savvy, and felt like noone would care what I had to say, the few times I had shared my story I would receive messages from people included, I would respond better than I ever thought possible but still had no desire to hurt ANYONE by sharing MY story and feelings.

Then YOU happened... my greatest responsibility... to raise you whole, kind, confident, independent, strong, and free.

Someone who believes HER feelings, hopes, fears, dreams, and ideas are worth pursuing, sharing, changing, forgiving...

 The day before you were born i promised...and posted this...

Tomorrow I become a momma, some would say I’ve been acting like a mom a VERY long time, most of the time I still feel like the little girl in the 2nd photo, wild and free...my main goal and promise is just to be there, present for the present that is life and this new life, to make her a part of my/our life not just my life about her... I really can not ever share my gratitude with those who have been here for me the last 10 months enough, this is no where near where I expected to be, but God has been so good to me. I catch myself praying for faith and trust often, knowing that’s the point in believing in the first place, letting go of control, to just be still and know... here we go... 🍼📸 @christy_shaterian_photography

then when you were 8 weeks old my appendix ruptured, I thought it was my organs shifting and postpartum, after a minimum of 8 days still working and working out, I almost died, the fluids had walled and built up behind my colon which is the only reason they say I didn't go septic. The thought of not being here to see you crawl, or walk, or talk made it easy for me to decide, it was time. So I'll be sharing your childhood, some of my life lessons, mistakes, values, but most importantly my love for you so that if there ever comes a day you doubt it, or I am not here, my words will be near. 

In some cases I do not feel I have the tools to help you, being raised before the internet brings both advantages and disadvantages.

In today’s online culture there tend to be many types of sharers:

Daily detailers (food, gym, clothes, what they are doing, basic)

Intentional Inspirers (quotes, poetry, positivity, more in depth thoughts, ideas)

Negative Naysayers (trolls, haters, judgers)

And then there are those that say you shouldn’t share at all. 

Please be extremely careful when it comes to telling anyone what to do or listening to anyone telling you.

TRUST YOURSELF

I have felt my whole life that Sharing is Caring, I care a lot (especially about you) and that “What you can’t say owns you. What you hide controls you.”  We are all misunderstood, I definitely misunderstand a lot, and really hope this is a space that will bring you clarity, comfort, and understanding.

Growing up my mom (your Jojo) worked a lot so she might not have been able to be as present as I would have liked but she loved music, being outside, reading, and was part of Oprah’s book club, I am forever grateful she passed down her love of these to me, you already love them too, but I hope to be there more to see things through.

I have read Iyanla Vanzant’s Don’t Give it Away Workbook MANY times but on my SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) analysis the fact that I would give my product and self away fits into each category. I gift this book often and thought it would be great to put some of my favorite pieces here for you my precious dear; to instill and remind you and everyone else how special they are.

A Girl’s Pledge

I am a girl.

I am an expression of beauty, joy, and love.

I have the right, the power and the ability, to create a beautiful, joyful, and peaceful world for myself and others.

I have a body, but i am not my body.

I have a face, but I am not my face.

I am the most important thing in the world to me.

I am love in motion.

I am the light of the world!

I can create!

I can make a mistake!

I can create something beautiful in all that i do.

I deserve the best. 

I do my best to always take care of me!

I am a girl!

I am growing into a woman!

I AM IT!!!

I am the JOY the world is waiting for!

       - Iyanla Vanzant “Don’t Give It Away”

You are the joy and the light in this world, all you have to do is choose, this doesn’t mean hard times won’t call, you just have to rise above it all!

October - Breast Cancer and Domestic Violence Awareness Month 10/1/13

Upon hearing October was now the month the bring awareness to Breast Cancer and Domestic Violence I thought I'd do my part by writing a few things I know and have learned..... My Granny (Yes, Daisy) had Breast Cancer and a mastectomy on one breast as a LOT of women today have. I caught her at 88 years old stuffing her old Maidenform form bra with socks even though she had the $100 bra with one built in. At her age after 9 kids, 17 grandkids,  I think 16 great grandkids, reading the Bible 13 times and never saying a harsh word about ANYONE (and we are bad!) that SHE would be comfortable in her own skin! Women I don't think we EVER truly are, no matter how "GOOD" we become. Well, at least most women! I will never understand the one's that KNOW they are awesome and have the b**** to wear some of the things I see in the Walmart pics. I firmly believe radiation and chemotherapy are deadly poisons and I would never wish them upon my worst enemy, population control (I believe in more natural remedies) but my Granny did live through it, she only gave up after breaking a 2nd hip and being told she would never walk again. HUG A SURVIVOR TODAY!!!

 On to Domestic Violence I do not talk about this ever but after years of therapy, Xanax(the devil!), finding true love, lots of yoga, and really trying to be honest and comfortable with myself, here goes. 

I had a 1st love I did REAL REAL DIRTY and super WRONG (thats a lot of other stories, sorry T***) so at 1st I felt it was karma, then I changed and did everything I could to be perfect and it only got worse. I was cheated on, lied to, spit on, poured beer on, hit it too many ways and places, sodomized,  hospitalized, ridiculed, emotionally tormented, sex was used against me as a tool, I was secluded from all my friends, I had 1 professor in college that didn't see being hospitalized by a boyfriend as an excuse to miss a final who failed me which caused me to loose my GPA based scholarship. I ended up in a battered womens home, moved 8 hours away and still was attached to and tempted by him. GET OUT NOW! YOU ARE AMAZING and deserved to be treated like it NO MATTER what your past and present is. IF you want change You must FIRST make a change!! I know everyone says it but can't you see how maybe they ALL could be right and you two are just wrong! There are hotlines and help available in most areas please get help. know your options. take action. Please contact me with any questions or concerns you may have and always remember to think happy thoughts and LOVE YOURSELF first!

Happy Home and Housewife!

So yesterday, as I spent most of my Saturday cleaning, I could NOT get this photo out of my head! I love the ones that say 'excuse the mess, we actually live here, but this one I don't agree with! Rather it's you on your hands and knees or someone you pay, a clean house is a sign of hard work and someone who cares about cleanliness and order! BALANCE IS KEY THOUGH! I find balance by cleaning a little everyday, taking me time at least once a day for yoga, meditation, and devotionals before and after work, and always making time to listen and love my man! Major props to all my ladies out there keeping it clean, sweet, fun, and sexy! 

I cried to A PERFECT CIRCLE today!

As a christian and yogi I practice every single moment every single day to try and handle whatever life throws at me with grace and gratitude but shit(<---that there, not very Christian or yogi!!) it's not easy!! When we make the choice to change our bad, negative, harmful, and hateful habits we are supposed to repent, ask forgiveness for our sins, and NOT CONTINUE TO SIN! I think waaaayyy too many people live by the "I'd rather ask for forgiveness than permission" policy! God/Mother Nature/Mother Teresa/Gandhi/Buddha (who/whatever you believe in) has already given you the rules to live by... very simple rules that  I believe 95% of the population does not follow. In order to truly be Christian or Enlightened being and receive the gifts (or things you pray and ask for) you must first abide by and follow these rules fearlessly and faithfully. BUT it's soooo easy to slip!! I love all kinds of music and while listening to my TOOL pandora station today The Noose came on, it says, "So glad to see you well/ Overcome and completely silent now/With heaven's help You cast your demons out/
And not to pull your halo down/Around your neck and tug you off your cloud/But I'm more than just a little curious/How you're planning to go about/Making your amends to the dead" 
I literally fell to my knees, threw my hands in the air and was soo grateful to whatever's up there watching over me. What I felt hearing these words now (after rededicating my life to God) as opposed to me before (on drugs saying f the world) I could no longer blame my Mother, my childhood, my choices, or bad influences for the decisions I made...We were all born the same and given the same opportunities as God's children WITH A HALO. As we get older and let the devil in many of us end up choking ourselves with that very same halo! but I love what Maynard says at the end, many of us wait til it's too late and lose someone who would have been so proud and glad to see us well, or die choking on our halo... the choice is yours! Make your amends before the opportunity is dead!

The 14 Days of Valentines

The 14 Days of Valentines

On the 1^st day of Valentines my true love gave to me, a super yummy muffin just for me to eat!

On the 2^nd day of Valentines my true love gave to me, a FULL night watching TV!

On the 3^rd day of valentines my true love gave to me, a card that is sooo sweet!

On the 4^th day of valentines my true love gave to me, a peanut butter treat!!!

On the 5^th day of valentines my true love gave to me, a nice long rub for my tired feet!

On the 6^th day of valentines my true love gave to me,  a whole 2 hours to just BE!

On the 7^th day of valentines my true love gave to me, a body rub from my head down to my knees!

On the 8^th day of valentines my true love gave to me, a chocolatey treat!

On the 9^th day of valentines my true love gave to me, her/his heart and only I hold the key!

On the 10^th day of valentines my true love gave to me, a promise to always love me for me!

On the 11^th day of valentines my true love gave to me, a wild ride that made me so YIPPEE!!

On the 12^th day of valentines my true love gave to me, true love that sets me free!!

On the 13^th day of valentines my true love gave to me, paper garlands times 3!

On the 14^th day of valentines my true love gave to me, a lifetime full of nothing but joy and glee!!!

i'll post pictures after Valentines!

Thank you for reading! 

Enjoy